God as Bumbling Chef

The theory of evolution has always presented a tremendous number of problems for theists.  Besides the obvious complete upending of the traditional creation myth, the theory elegantly demonstrates how order and design can emerge from mindless chaos, given time.  Previously, only an intelligent agent was thought capable of creating the design we see in nature.  While some theists still deny evolution, others who’ve faced the obvious truth of the theory, many of whom support the idea of Intelligent Design, reconcile their beliefs with the justification that God used evolution to create the diversity of life on earth, “guiding” the process to produce us.

No evidence is actually put forward to support this view; rather, it is surmised.  Since the existence of God is assumed a priori, he must have used evolution in some manner to populate the planet with a diversity of life, and, ultimately, humanity.  Since we are myopic creatures, say these evolutionary theists, who are we to suggest this was not the optimal way?  Evolution and theism are not incompatible, they correctly, if lamely, point out.

Before critically examining this view, let’s step back for a moment and recall how costly and time intensive evolution is.  It took almost a billion years after Earth’s formation for the first pre-life forms to appear, the prokaryotes.  After a couple billion more, the first true cells appeared, the eukaryotes, upon which most current life is based.  It took another 700 billion years for multi-cell organisms to arrive.  Throughout all this time, billions upon billions of lifeforms were born and died.  Finally, humanity appeared, which apparently was the goal all along.

With this in mind, let’s compare how atheists and theists view evolution.

Atheist: Evolution is a natural, mindless, and meandering process, without supernatural direction.

Theist: Evolution is a supernaturally-directed process, but God made it only appear to be natural, mindless, and meandering.

Both views are possibly true, but which is simpler and therefore to be preferred?  I’ll let you be the judge of that.  But the obvious question theists need to answer is, why would God utilize a process that, for all intents and purposes, makes it look like he had no hand in it at all?  What happened to the heavily intercessionist deity–you know, the one who will blow up the world some day–we’ve been told exists all along?  What’s more, evolution means no Adam and Eve, and therefore, no Original Sin, which pretty much collapses the whole raison d’être of their religions in the first place.

As quaky as the theistic creationists are, they’re to be commended for at least adhering to a consistent view of God, one that , according to their holy books, created life, the universe, and everything about 6,000 years ago.  It’s just that creationism is akin to belief in a flat-earth or geocentrism in its total rejection of reality.  Theistic evolution, on the other hand, makes God appear to be some kind of bumbling chef, toiling away in his kitchen earth to finally (!) achieve the dish he intended.  No wonder many creationists wail and gnash their teeth at evolution.

Once again, Occam’s razor trumps theism.